Love's Labours Lost. What Women Don't Know about Love.

Happy Labor Day everyone. I hope that the grilled meats and cold drinks are feeling real good to you right about now.

I got love on my mind today, but in keeping with the theme of no labor, I thought I would keep it short and sweet. Just like the summer that we say goodbye to this time every year.

What Women Don't Know About Love (From the Visible Perspective)

**WARNING! ONLY FOR GROWN FOLK. QUESTIONABLE LANGUAGE TO FOLLOW**

1. It ALWAYS requires settling

2. He won't be rich, handsome, smart and have a big dick. If you get 3 out of 4, you are doing great!

3. Love won't look ANYTHING like you expect.

4. Great sex, no matter how great, great chemistry, no matter how great, IS NOT LOVE!

5. It is something that you have to create newly everyday, no matter who are with.

6. It really does happen when you least expect it.

7. It follows a certain set of rules.

8. LOVE makes the rules, all you have to do is be up for the game!

9. Love will stay with you forever, long after the man is gone.

10. Loving someone, even if it doesn't work out, is a good sign that your heart is big enough to love again.

11. It always comes back to you.

12. It DOES NOT CONQUER ALL. It does give you a headstart, though.

13. You can force it away from you.

14. Never use your love as an excuse to cause anyone else pain. Ever.

15. In the place of the love of your life, buy shoes. It will make you feel better.

The Good Negress

I have been thinking about Michelle Obama lately, a lot. A whole lot actually.

Clearly, I am a fan as she is the face of my blog. She represents a world of what's possible for women, for women of color, for Black women and what's possible for me.

In the words of my president, Barack Obama, let me be clear; Michelle Obama wins with me. She wins all the time. I am biased, squarely in her corner and will come out swinging if I think that my beloved Michelle Obama is being maligned in anyway.

And yet it occurs to me that my beloved Michelle Obama is doing something EXTREMELY radical. Beyond radical. Inexplicably shocking, actually. Michelle Obama is not acting like the first Black First Lady of the United States of America.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. The wearing of the shorts should have been my first clue. But I was so busy defending her from the blogosphere haterade that I was temporarily blinded. I was tipped off when she wore shorts and a tank and a helmet to go biking with her children around Martha's Vineyard. But it came crashing home when I saw her at the late Senator Ted Kennedy's funeral. She wore a skirt, some heels, an organza blouse and a bolero jacket. In a sea of dark suits, she wore a big black bow.

When I was a child, my mother...hell, all my damn life, the women in my family, my mother, grandmother and aunt have hollered from the rooftops to the floor about how a woman should look when leaving the house. I am a source of shame for them. I am not always dressed in a power suit and sometimes I wear jeans on the airplane! One time in church, my mother looked at me and said "I am ashamed to be seen sitting next to you. You look like you fell out of a Goodwill bin!" Ah, the Goodwill bin, a favorite insult of my mother's. Her other favorite insult? "You dress like a White girl". You see, being well dressed was not just a hobby. Oh no. It was the first line of defense against racism and discrimination. Being accused of dressing like a White girl was an insult because White women could (and would) be seen looking any old which way, but we as Black women didn't have that luxury. White women could wear leggings and slouchy tops, but in mother's house there were never any slouchy clothes. We had to be twice as good, and apparently, twice as well dressed, to get half as far as a White woman. So, dressing well for my mother and for my family was not just about what looked nice, it was also about the fact that as Black women, we didn't have the luxury to be anything other than beyond reproach when it came to our clothes. I imagine that I am not the only Black woman who has been raised with some version of this story.

Michelle Obama has tossed that logic out on its ear. And I don't know how I feel about it. I keep thinking about Coretta Scott King. She always looked like a doll. There are pictures of her marching for freedom with her face beat, in her suit and pumps, gloves and pearls. Didn't they march all the way to Washington? She was NEVER seen without makeup, much less galavanting with her children. In fact, we never saw the children galavant either. And yet, Mrs. Obama runs around in shorts, sneakers, tank tops, helmets, rides bikes, goes hiking! What's next? Flying a kite?

And finally, she actually takes fashion risks! Dresses and cardigans. Full skirts and bows. She has to know that as a Black woman she can't make those kinds of choices. If a White first lady had shown up at a funeral in Moschino I dare say it would have either A. not been news worthy or B. been ALL the rage. Mrs. Obama has to know this, and yet, instead of having a closet full of navy, black and red suits, she has CARDIGANS!

There are times, even now, when I am going somewhere really fancy with a bunch of White people and I still hear my grandmother say, "You can't wear that around all those White people!" I still cave from time to time, because I don't want to give anyone a reason to talk about me or look down on me. And yet, here Michelle Obama is, seemingly free from that particular Black girl neurosis. And she is paying for it. There are those out there who talk as though she were an embarrassment to the White House and to America. There are those that claim that she should hire someone to help her with the protocol of what it is to be the First Lady. There are even those that claim that she shouldn't be allowed to ride in Air Force One. There are so many claims of unworthy and unfit that I am starting to lose track of all the insinuations.

There is a part of me that doesn't really know what to do with this fresh new Black American woman, who dresses herself without thinking about "What will all the White people say?". This is all very new to me. A Black woman who embraces her humanity instead of constantly defending and guarding it. Someone who is malleable and flexible and real, instead of fixed, rigid, perfect and beyond reproach. As much as I love Michelle, this is taking some adjustment. There is a small part of me that wants her to retreat into the land of Oscar De La Renta suits and pumps, never leaving the house unless she has on lipstick and a strand of pearls. Because anything less leaves her open and vulnerable to attack. But perhaps that is the whole point. Perhaps there is a unspeakable bravery in laying it all bare, her arms, her legs, her face. This is unchartered territory for the Black woman. And Michelle Obama is laying a new course for us all. I am following, but right now, I am shaking in my Christian Louboutin boots.

I imagine that the same thing is happening all over the country. Urban (read Black) radio stations are playing Michael Joseph Jackson all day long. Today is his birthday.

Even now, as I write this, tears threaten to spill over, tears that I have not shed since I found out about his passing. I still don't believe it. Perhaps it is easier because I never knew the man. His physical presence wasn't a part of my life. But, still I feel the loss and I struggle because a part of me can't really imagine a world without Michael.

I was disappointed in him at times. Debbie Rowe, really? The children who look like the post surgery Michael, but bear little to no resemblance to the boy Michael, the Thriller Michael, The Wiz Michael, our beloved Michael. The fact that he made poor choices about the people he surrounded himself with and the inappropriate activities with young children left me sorely disappointed as well. Let me say for the record that I do not believe that he ever molested any child. I do think that a grown man sleeping in the bed with a child who is not even related to him is highly inappropriate, but certainly not a crime.

When I was a child, I had the opportunity to meet Michael. I remember his bright, bright socks. Shiny and sparkly. And this very tall man folded himself down to look right in my face and shake my hand. I promise you, in that moment, with all the flashing lights, I felt like I was the only person in the room. I felt like he had eyes only for me. I felt like what I had to say was important to him. I believe in my heart that my child senses would have picked up on something not right about him if it was there, however, I recognize that that is also what I want to believe.

When he first passed, I couldn't even really be with the whole thing. I didn't watch the funeral, I didn't watch CNN, I just avoided it. But now, I am starting to allow myself to feel the loss of Michael Jackson. He was beloved. He will be missed.

Happy Birthday Michael. Happy, happy birthday.

Dear Readers.....

I started this blog in an effort to be a part of the blogosphere, a place where ordinary citizens can have a voice. Where we can have a hand in shaping rhetoric, or at the very least, contributing to our national discourse.

Now, I need you guys. Some of you, hell most of you, are people that I know and love, and some of you are strangers. I need all of you to send a quick comment about one or some of the posts. Just a quick comment about any of the things that I have said. It helps me to hear from people. It gives me a boost of energy and focus to keep on blogging!

Thanks! I appreciate you!

Race, Politics and Health Care, Part II

So how about those town hall meetings?

I happened to catch the town hall meeting in Pennsylvania. It was a very angry crowd that showed up. Angry and very patriotic. It wasn't just about health care for these Americans, it was about America itself. The very fabric of our culture, the fibers that make us who we are. The founding fathers were invoked, as well as a reminder about the nobility of the constitution. And we were warned in the town hall meeting, warned that if America continues on this eight month trajectory of socialism, that we will become just like Russia.

All of this was met with rousing applause from the good, decent solid Americans who believe that the state of health care in America is JUST FINE. There is nothing wrong with health care, just leave us alone, they shouted. According to one man, the biggest problem with our health care system is the illegals (his word, not mine) that come here who don't belong and we end up paying for them. The second biggest problem, according to him, is people who just won't pay for their own health care and we have to pay for their stupidity. He highlighted this little nugget by saying "In the words of the great George Bush, 'we help those who help themselves.' " This was also met with cheers and cheers from those decent Americans.

I point to my earlier post where I presented my case;

White Americans don't want Black and Brown people to get shit for free.

So now, here we are, and we get to hear it straight from the horse's mouth (or ass), as it were. There are people in these town hall meetings, predominately White and predominately conservative, who are screaming at their elected politicians and are ready to come to blows. And what are they screaming? That we need to get rid of the illegals, that people who don't want health care shouldn't bring the rest of us down (which sounds a lot like the "homeless people are homeless cause they want to be" argument) and that we are going to become socialist over night because of crooked politicians. Did I mention that they claim that there is nothing wrong with our health care system?

Okay, let's back up. Some conservatives say that the reason they don't want this bill is mainly because it will increase our national deficit. I agree with that line of thinking. Yes, I do. I think that the problem with our health care system is not that we don't have enough money, rather that we don't spend what we have wisely. However, that last part, the part about spending what we have wisely, is no where to be found in the republican talking points, at least not the ones that I have read. Rather, they argue about the deficit, when the only reason we have a deficit is because of the previous administration. A conservative, Republican administration. Nobody said anything about the funding for No Child Left Behind, which, "since [it's] enactment, Congress [has] increased federal funding of education, from $42.2 billion in 2001 to $54.4 billion in 2007. No Child Left Behind received a 40.4% increase from $17.4 billion in 2001 to $24.4 billion. The funding for reading quadrupled from $286 million in 2001 to $1.2 billion." Those same Republicans did not say a thing about the funding for the war in Iraq, which we are still funding, by the way. So, I seriously question the motives of these fiscally conservative Republicans who claim to be thinking about the debt we are passing on to our grandchildren. Funny, no one had a problem with debt when it was George Bush pushing through costly legislation. However NOW everyone is worried about their grandkids' pocket books.

Hmmm, I could make the argument that "Russia" was a paragon of standards based education and that the entire country had one standardized system of education, which, I could argue, didn't take into account the individual student and their talents and weaknesses. I could then stretch No Child Left Behind into a "scary and evil" piece of legislation aimed at taking away freedoms from Americans, starting with the most precious and vulnerable among us, our children. We as Americans should only support education that allows the teacher, the principal, the student and the parents to dictate what the student learns and what the student needs, not some evil "death panel" of politicians and bureaucrats who will stand in judgement of my child and deem him unworthy.

Actually no one made that argument. No Child Left Behind got passed merrily on, because imbedded within the legislation was the assurance that schools that didn't pass the tests would not get money. I promise you that White Americans heard that and felt good knowing that stupid, lazy, criminal minded inner city youth would finally be punished for not studying. And good old boy Bush would never sell his people up the river. So even if the legislation sought to fix public schools, nobody would get anything unless they earned it. More money for Johnny, less money for JohnTayQuanay.

And here is the bottom line, in my opinion. President Barack Obama received 52% of the vote. 52%. John McCain and Sarah Palin received 45% of the vote. That means that 45% of the people in our country thought that Sarah Palin would be fit for the vice-presidency of our country. That doesn't take into account the people who were on the fence until the last minute. So how many people really thought that Sarah Palin would make a good VP? My point is that we should never underestimate the conservative nature of the American people. We should never underestimate our core values. We have some ugly beliefs in this country. We are not a nation that believes in helping our fellow man, especially if our fellow man is Black or Brown and they don't work anyway. They are just looking for a hand out.

So, if you want ANY KIND of health care reform, call your senators, call your representatives. Write a letter, send an email. Get involved in as small or as large of a way as you possibly can. Do not think that somehow the President will just manage to pull a rabbit out of a hat. The only reason he won in the first place was because of the organized work and support of people who believed that he could make a difference. Unfortunately, the work is not over.

Working on a Post!

Hey Y'all!

Things have been busy, busy! Sorry for no posts in a while. I am actually feverishly at work on one but it actually requires research, not just off the dome types of conversations!

So, I invite you to re-read some of the other posts. And feel free to comment so that I know that you are out there!

Race, Politics and Health Care

I have been really on it lately. Just on it, mad, angry and upset.

I got health care. I got it, I am grateful. However, recently I was in an accident, went to the emergency room and, had it not been for my CAR insurance, I would have been stuck with a $3,000.00 bill. $3,000.00 for a C-collar and some x-rays in a shabby, run down, cold ass hospital where I thought I would also contract pneumonia.

I know of another story where a young man got dizzy at the gym. Because gyms have strict rules about that stuff, he went straight to the ER in an ambulance, where he waited for ten hours, only to be held over night because it turns out that he had an irregular heart beat and elevated sugar levels. Now, he is a Black man whose father was a diabetic and died from a stroke at forty four years old. So, the doctor ordered some test that supposedly would determine something very important that he swore any insurance plan would certainly cover. Test comes back negative, but of course the insurance won't pay. So the young man finds out he is fine, all for the small fee of $1,500.00. For one night in the hospital. One night.

So I have been following this health care debate very closely. Now, of course, I am a liberal, left wing, Obama supporting Black woman in America, HOWEVER, for the life of me, I can't understand why Americans don't overwhelmingly support President Obama on his health care plan. I am baffled.

Watching Fox News last night I was even more baffled, and then I just got pissed. And even more pissed!

I have come to the conclusion that the reason we can't get universal health care, consistent with industrialized nations such as France, England and Canada, just to name a few, is because of the insidious nature of racism and the role that race and racism play in American politics.

Said another way, White America can't stand the thought of Black people and Latinos getting some free shit that White people will ultimately pay for.

Period. End of story. And all the junk about the insurance companies having a powerful lobby is horse shit. Oh, they have a powerful lobby, but the only reason why they are so powerful is because of the backdrop of Americans who hear "universal health care" and "helping out your fellow man" and think "I will be paying for some lazy Negroes and trifling illegals to get even more free shit." Do White people have a colloquial equivalent to "Aww, hell to the NO!"?

Lyndon B. Johnson, the 36th POTUS, on the heels of the historic Civil Rights and Voting Rights legislation, ushered in legislation that became known as the "Great Society". Began in 1965, it was to be a war on poverty in America. The Great Society required funding, of course, and a great deal of federal money went to the establishment of Medicare, Medicaid, bolstering the public school systems, PBS, the National Endowment of the Arts, Head Start, government grants for higher education and a whole host of other things that we still have to this day. However, by 1966, LBJ's popularity was beginning to fade. Granted, the Vietnam War had a lot to with it. But, it was his federal spending that caused many to turn against him. Mostly because his spending benefited Black people. Not only Black people. Not even mostly Black people. But Black people were the most visible beneficiaries of LBJ's legislation. For instance, elderly people of all colors probably benefited the most from the legislation, however do you think that the conservative backlash could have gained traction from people thinking that The Great Society had as much to do with their sweet little granny as it did those rioting, looting Negroes across town? The then governor of Missouri told LBJ that he could lose the state in the next election because of "frustration over Vietnam; too much federal spending and... taxation; no great public support for your Great Society programs; and ... public disenchantment with the civil rights programs". Come on governor, really? LBJ's Civil Rights "programs" and the Great Society were started in 1964 and 1965 respectively, and yet by 1966 people were disenchanted? It took people how long to become disenchanted with slavery? How long to become disenchanted with Jim Crow and yet it took all of two years for Americans to become disenchanted with legislation aimed at moving forward with a society that attempts to eradicate poverty and unemployment for all Americans, including Black Americans?

When LBJ signed the Civil Rights bill, he famously said that he had just lost the South for the Democratic Party for a generation. The man was from the country of Texas, as my brother the field negro would say, and therefore he knew whereof he spoke. He knew that the South would never forgive anyone or anything responsible for the end of their beloved Jim Crow. And to add insult to injury, LBJ then expected White tax dollars to go to the upkeep of Negroes. Again, what's the White way of saying "Hell to the No!"? So, in droves, Southern Dixiecrats began to flock to the Republican party.

By the time Ronald Reagan ran for office, in 1979, he would be the first Republican to carry the South. It signaled the actualization of an ideological shift, which was dramatized by Ronald Reagan's campaign images of the now famous "Welfare Queen". Americans came to believe, and still operate from the belief that Black people are lazy, shiftless and don't work, and that welfare, or any other programs aimed at ending poverty in Black America only mean that White Americans are going to foot the bill for criminals who don't deserve it in the first place. From 1966 to 1979, American racism, like a spectral haint that needs a body, looked for a way to reincarnate. Jim Crow gave racism a physical home. Legislation killed the body of racism, but did nothing to eradicate it's ghost. In fact, pairing the Civil Rights legislation with the Great Society legislation, only increased the urgency for racism to survive. The ghost had to find another home. And the very legislation aimed at moving America forward, provided the fodder for the movement called Conservatism in America. The ghost found a new home.

It is the home of the Conservative movement in America paired with the ghost of racism that kills off any possibility of health care, improving schools or anything that even hints that it would impact Black America. And since the Conservative movement in America doesn't look like slavery or Jim Crow, then it gets to pretend that it is not the same damn thing, just in a body that can adapt to the times. It is this new body that allows it (racism) to get away with crying "reverse racism" at someone like Sonia Sotomayor. It is this new body that allows it (racism) to declare it's own death. And it is this new body that can talk about universal health care as an evil, without batting so much as the proverbial eyelash, knowing full well that American lives are at stake due to a rapidly failing health care system. Why does England have health care? Because their people knew it was a good idea for all their people, and they were able to see themselves as one people, one England. I pay for you, you pay for me and we all win. White people don't want to pay for Black people, because they don't think that Black people deserve anything for free. They also don't see us contributing to the system, i.e. paying taxes. White people don't even see Black people as "real" Americans, and they for damn sure don't see us as "one". How can we have universal health care, when the conditions are so different in America than they are in the countries that actually provide their citizens with health care?

This is a long post, with a part two to follow. Of course, when I say White America, I don't mean every single White person in America. But I mean White America as it pertains to a group of people and the overarching set of ideals to which the group subscribes. Basically, racism only allows for a "them and us" rather, a "them versus us" context. The details may change, but the basic context of them versus us remains the same. I believe that at the heart of the debate about health care is the same them versus us mentality which dictates that the dynamic of separation must always be at play in the discourse. Universal health care has been painted with the same brush that the Great Society was painted with, which is a whole lot of government spending for the advancement of people who don't work, read Colored people. The truth is, without the advancement of Colored people, the advancement of ALL people simply can't happen. And so I wait with baited breath to see what happens to health care. Let's hope I don't need a defibrillator while I wait, 'cause I sure can't afford it.